


THE NUMBER ONE CITY IN AMERICA

by zero



Series: Jafar Wars Legends [3]
Category: Anchorman, Homestuck, Love Live - Fandom, Michael Jackson - Fandom, Spiderman - Fandom, Star Wars, The Big Lebowski, Undertale, Yogi Bear
Genre: Darth Miami, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 19:40:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20569796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zero/pseuds/zero
Summary: vriska thinks everything is okay; vader knows its not; with special guest star ron burgundy





	THE NUMBER ONE CITY IN AMERICA

Vriska: I floated on the edge of a fleeting eternity for a long time.  
Vriska: There was a blinding light bright as the sun.  
Vriska: If only I could be so grossly incandescent.

Sans: I own this town.  
Crowd: *Cheering*

The Stranger: Way out west there was a town everyone knew and loved. They called it Sans Francisco. But this town… Held a dark secret

Vriska: It should have been me!!!

Vriska: *Awakening, as if from a dream*  
Vriska: IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!!!

Vriska wakes up in a flat in our favorite town after a night of heavy drinking. She is dreadfully hung over.  
Vriska: Fuck! I am dreadfully hung over!  
Vriska: This sucks.

When you are on the edge of reality and you are plastered you need to get your bearings by stumbling down the block to CVS and spending all your money on junk food and energy drinks. So Vriska decides to do this. She is not sure where she is or whether she has been living here for a long time.

Spiderman: Hey Vriska. Long time no see.  
Vriska: Hey Spidey. You the man.

Spidey does a kickflip on the way to Chewy’s grill. This all seems perfectly normal to Vriska. It’s an old meme but it checks out. Her memories seem to be jarred by the implication but she assumes it is because of the hangover.

Vriska: *browsing through the shelves at cvs*  
Vriska: Chips, ice cream, little white castle burgers.  
Vriska: *theatrically spies a box of cracker barrel macaroni and cheese*  
Vriska: OHHH!  
Vriska: *nuzzles up against the box of macaroni and cheese with her face*  
Vriska: You’re comin’ with me…

Nico “The Beast” Yazawa, at the register: Hey Vriska.  
Vriska: Hey dipshit.  
Nico: You’re just jealous because I have an actual job.  
Vriska: I have a job! I’m an artist.  
Nico: Mhm, sure.

Vriska is feeling a little better as the sun comes up in Darth Miami. And she takes a swig from a bottle of OJ. Sweet sunshine in a bottle. Everythings comin’ up Serket. Meanwhile, across town, Vader is also awakening, also from a hangover. He senses something different. He senses many things, but he can neither affirm nor elucidate. Hes wearing his tanktop on a floating chair in his pool. The radio is cranking out some awful thing. I think it was… “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’” by Michael Jackson. And Nico is still working her shift all morning.

Nico: Why did I get a job again, big D?  
Diablo: I always heard it said “You die if you work,” heh heh… But it’s good. Maybe too good, in fact.  
Nico: Grueling.

Boba is watching some stupid thing on Mayor Vader’s big screen TV. I suppose it’s Yogi Bear cartoons or something like that. What happens in those cartoons is a story in its own right, you know. (They’re not the ones that we have here on Earth. Everything on Planet Darth is slightly unusual. But it’s nothing.)

Vader: *wandering into the room, yawning*  
Vader: What’s fossilizin’, dinos? (There are also a few of his Boys, guys in stormtrooper helmets and letterman jackets, laying around, falling asleep on various furnitures, eating pizza, talking idly about murder and guns.)  
Boba: You gotta see this… I switched over to the news.  
Vader: Gotta stay informed, haha.  
Boba: Look at this, dude.

The news anchor is going on and on about the reconstruction project at old Frisco being finished. Supposedly, they’re renaming the city.

Ron Burgundy: Yes, it will now be known as “Sans Francisco.” Over to our field specialist with the live report.  
Specialist: I’m here with Mayor Undertale at a live rally in downtown Sans Francisco.

Sans Undertale: Hi.  
Crowd: *losing their minds*  
Sans: It’s good to be here. I’m kinda tired, so I think I’m going down for a nap, haha.  
Fangirl: WE LOVE YOU SANS  
Sans: *finger guns*  
Sans: Well, bye.

Specialist: He really has a way with words, don’t you think.  
Ron Burgundy: Haha, yes. And experts are predicting that Sans Francisco will soon be the NUMBER ONE CITY IN AMERICA. Wowsers! What a thought!  
Lesser Anchor: Guess that invalidates all that time I spent in Vegas.  
Both: *laughter*

Boba: Look, man. Don’t take it too personally.  
Vader: Boba?  
Boba: Yeah? You know you can always tell me anything, right?  
Vader: …  
Vader: I’m getting my shotgun.  
Vader: Get the car.

“Mama se mama sa mamakusa  
mama se mama sa mamakusa”  
-michael jackson


End file.
